The FTC reported $1.3 billion lost to romance scams in 2023 — the highest of any consumer fraud category. The majority of victims are adults over 50. And the majority of perpetrators never meet their victims in person. Here is the comprehensive guide to protecting yourself while looking for genuine connection online.
Romance scam red flags
Romance scams follow a predictable pattern because they are industrialized operations run by organized crime groups. Knowing the playbook means you can spot it early:
- They are suspiciously perfect — attractive, successful (often military, oil rig workers, doctors, or engineers working abroad), wealthy, and interested in you extremely quickly.
- They cannot video call — always a reason: poor connection, broken camera, work restrictions. In reality, real-time video would expose that the photos are stolen.
- They move platforms quickly — pushing from the dating app to WhatsApp or email fast, which removes the dating platform's fraud monitoring.
- They never meet in person — always a crisis preventing it: a medical emergency, a detained shipment, a last-minute work trip.
- They eventually need money — always framed as temporary, always with a promise to repay, always escalating. Plane ticket, emergency medical bill, customs fee on a package, investment opportunity.
How to verify a profile
Reverse image search their photos — drag the profile photo to Google Images, Bing Images, or TinEye. If the photo appears on a stock photo site, social media account with a different name, or military tribute page, you have a stolen identity.
Request a specific real-time action — ask them to hold up three fingers in a photo, or to wave in a video call. A scammer using stolen photos cannot do this without exposing themselves.
Search their name and claimed profession — a doctor, engineer, or oil rig worker with no LinkedIn presence, no employer footprint, and no verifiable history is a red flag.
Use a platform with identity verification — Match.com and Hinge offer photo verification that matches your live selfie to your profile photos. This does not eliminate fake profiles but raises the effort required to create one significantly.
Privacy protection while dating
- Use a secondary email address for dating app registration — not your primary email linked to your bank, work, and other accounts.
- Do not share your last name, workplace, home neighborhood, or daily routine until you have met in person and built genuine trust.
- First meetings should always be in public, daytime locations. Inform a friend or family member of where you are going and with whom.
- Do not accept rides from someone you have not met before — use your own transport for the first several meetings.
- Enable location sharing with a trusted person during first meetings via your phone's native location sharing feature.
Which platforms take safety most seriously
Match.com and eHarmony have the most developed safety features for serious daters: profile verification, ID confirmation (optional on Match), and dedicated trust and safety teams. Hinge's photo verification is fast and effective for catching stolen profile photos. All three have reporting mechanisms and respond faster than pure swipe-based apps to abuse reports.
If you think you are being scammed
- Stop sending money immediately regardless of the story.
- Do not send documents — passport copies, financial statements, or ID can be used for further fraud.
- Report the profile to the dating platform's trust and safety team.
- Report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov — your report helps identify patterns that protect others.
- If money was sent via wire transfer or gift cards, contact your bank and the card issuer immediately. Recovery is difficult but not impossible if reported quickly.